Wake up this morning and felt really bad. Not bad like tired or sick, but more like being a bad person. I can't think of any particular reason why I should do that right now, it must have been something that I dreamt. Anyhow, it made the first half of the day a mess. I had a bad consciousness on behalf of the world, felt guilty for something undefinable and was pretty miserable.
The last weeks have passed by in an uneventful blur with a lack of inspiration. At times it feels like I'm just administring this shell of flesh and its responsibilities, not actually controlling it.
Sometimes it just has to be like this, I guess. It is a time of preparation, even personal growth. It is forcing me to always do something new, to turn something upside down and do some major changes to some part of life.
Do something new every day. Tomorrow I will pick up my failed project from two weeks ago:
Discovered today that if I don't start the day with a cigarette right away, I won't smoke as much the rest of the day as if I did. Not that I care, I like smoking.