The music plays Ani in syncopated beats as my mind considers
where I find myself. I'm sitting in an apartment whose rent is as much as
my mother made in a month. She sacrificed everything for me, and I had no
idea until years later.
My childs breath warms my foot while cats lay
sleeping on stereo and floor. A mile west jannie sits beside
her love. Northwest of her my oldest friend sits at his computer
contemplating what he has done. His girlfriends broken heart lies on his
couch. Maybe six miles to the northwest my boyfriend lies recovering from
jannies cold. I have seen him maybe twice in the past month and wonder what
is to become of us.
Again I turn my thoughts westward and follow them to New York. One girl
rides a train home and draws with colored
pens in a pad of childlike dreams. I smile as I think of her
and let my mind head west again. Karen in there and I don't know what to
say. She was the love of my life. I would have married her in a second,
without hesitation or thought, but now she is someone else, someone who
pushed me away for reasons known only to her.
West again through darkened air Michigan approaches and a
friend who sweetly stole my heart lies with her fiance worrying
about money and hoping the world will somehow work out for them. I head
south to Indiana, and see my sister. I sit beside her and try
to let her know I love her, and lend her the strength to sleep, and not
worry quite so much. Her boy, my boy, is in
his house tonight. I feel myself touch down on his roof but I do not enter.
He is ok, but needs to learn the next part on his own.
West again, and north, into the Los Angeles suburbs. I used to play
cards with this boy and his wife. Their house was welcoming, and so were
their hearts. I miss you zak. I don't know quite what you became to me,
but you are friend and I will always think of you even in the months between
I have reached the other coast and the sunlight can still be seen over
the horizon. I miss these sunsets. They were the best thing about California,
sunsets, and the Birds of Paradise that grew outside
My father sits alone in his Miami condo like me in my Boston apartment,
one reading, one writing.
I feel selfish to wish I could share this bed when the world has already
given me so much.
to those of you i didn't mention: don't worry. you're in there. I just didn't write everyone.