This morning I find myself on a train moving home, thinking of how I
have the scent of you in my breath. The weekend moved in patterns outside
of our plans or expectations. Kittens and husbands
passed in a confusing blur while a small black haired woman showed me, for
the first time, how NYC could feel like a home.
The cold Atlantic glitters beyond the glass and I think
of the warmth of her hand in central park. She said something that day
that is still moving about in my mind. She said the reason she didn't have
any questions for me was that she was content with me as I was, as if how
and who I am somehow combined to make a me that didn't require archaeological
explorations. And, I think that is something I really needed to understand.
I needed to begin to understand that, even if I don't know how, I have been
giving back to my friends, giving in return for the wonderful pieces of
themselves they have shared with me.
There are trees outside my window now and I think of her smile and the
sound of her quickly inhaled breath. We reversed the order
and ended up in such an interesting place. I grin
innocently and wickedly at how the first kiss came almost last.
You wanted to know of the first kiss. Your first kiss entered my life
without warning feeling so right, and fitting the moment so perfectly that
I'd not noticed it as "the first kiss" until it had already happened.
Soft and round without awkwardness or unsureity, it felt, more than anything
else, just right. Like waking with you, it was unexpected, and felt
so wonderfully right.
How did I go to NYC to smile with friends and end up riding a train home
with a girlfriend in my thoughts, a girlfriend in love with a husband,
reunited with a wife, turned on by the girlfriend in my thoughts?
How can you not smile at a universe that brings such wonderful twists and
treats as these?