I've been hanging out with you for a month now and you've been putting the moves on even though you know I generally only like girls. But, I haven't stopped you, I haven't said no, because I like it. I like your attention. I like the fact that you want me in your bed.

Tonight you got me on a date. What am I doing? I think I knew it was a date before the night even began. I showered, redid my makeup, went through a couple outfits, and 2 bra's for you. I don't think it's a date I said to Karen. She didn't believe me. Apparently my subconscious didn't believe me either. It kept on making sure I looked good for you.

What am I doing? I don't know if I even like you like that. You're fun. You make me laugh. When I come home from work I think about doing down to your place and flopping on your couch. But, kissing? dating? Holding you close? As we waited for the T you pulled me to your side while joking about something sexual. I pulled away a little because, well, I've never been like that with a guy. I feel awkward. I'm not sure if I should go or stop.

At the party we sat close together on the couch. I leaned forward and when I sat back your arm was behind me. ;) Images of a teenage you doing the "yawn and stretch" in a movie theatre. Sometimes you're so cute and childlike. We sat close and talked about penises while admiring and rating the other girls there. I started thinking about having fun with one of them until I found myself rubbing my fingers back and forth across the rim of my cup. As we stood on the T going home my brain feeling very sleepy I kept staring at the bulge going down your leg and wondering, "Is this right? What am I doing?"

After talking it over with a friend, I realized that having a sexual conversation with him while fingering my cup and thinking about a cute girl at the party who I had only said "hi" to should have been more of a tip off that he's not the guy for me.