She made me think about him in a different way. She know's I'm falling for him but whenever I tried to convey my feelings I always spoke of the more happy / horny side of it. So she asked me, "how can you tell if you're falling in love with him and not just infatuated?"
And I couldn't answer her directly. Because I don't know how, but I do know what I feel, and I know that it is more than just a passing infatuation. I don't know about "falling in love" at this point, but I know it's more that what I've written in nodes I never posted. It's not just his body. It's not just how I fantasize about him and the things I want him to do to me, and me to him. It's not just how I light up inside when he enters the room. It's also how he thinks when you ask him a real question. It's how he can calm me down when I am stressed just by sitting near me. It's how one of the things I want to do most is just fall asleep leaning up against him in front of the tv, or maybe on a train. It's how I want to listen to him telling me about his life.
This is more than infatuation. I am falling for a boy; Something I never asked for or expected. I don't even know if he is interested and there are so many reasons I shouldn't do this with him, or anyone else. But, I'm falling for a boy. And when I talk to my best friend, a girl I will not lie to, you can hear it in my voice.
Do you care? Do you feel the same way too? Will you please tell me? Because, I'm scared. I don't know if I can tell you. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if you can handle it. All I know is that you are reading this right now.