I had a boyfriend once. It was neat. It was new. He pulled me close in my hall and gave me the kiss had been wanting so badly. We had been growing closer and closer, talks that lasted all day, wanting to be close and not seperate at the end.

Later that week he came over and we fooled around on my couch. I was happy, and nervous, but it was awkward. I had never been with a boy before, never touched a penis like that, never tasted a man before.

The week after that passed and we saw each other online. I would message and say hi and he would talk for a bit. I tried to find real things to talk about but he would only do that in real life. We had another night together but again he left without spending the night. As the days went by I would notice him online and realize he never messaged me. I began to wonder. There was an unease in him both times we were together sexually. Something that left me with nagging doubts. When I talked to him he was all happy to see me but he would never initiate conversations. I time between visits grew but he was often to be found just down the road with hamster bong and herbman. I stopped messaging him, hoping he would care enough to notice. But, he didn't.

Time continued to pay in it's own inevitable way, and conversations with a wonderful girl became more flirty, and then I met her in person and had my heart swept away.

I messaged him. "so babe, like, this whole you me thing... kinda just petered out didn't it."

"Crap. I don't think so..."

He was so sweet and I think I honestly could have fallen in love with him so I gave him a second chance after he apologized for being a shit and not giving me any attention, not even reading my nodes.

With fingers crossed I set him back into the world hoping this time he would come back to me. That was two weeks ago. Today I found out from a friend that he was in a car accident last night with his lover, who is still in the hospital. He has been online all day today but never said a word to me.

So today I officially say goodbye jared. This relationship ended a while ago... but a little piece of me still held out hope. Yesterday I saw someone who looked just like you from behind and my heart skipped a beat. I think it would today too.

I hope we find each other as friends again, because I would hate to lose you from my life.