This morning, as I put her in her crate, before heading
to work, I noticed a place on the steel bars that was covered in dried doggie
slobber. As I looked closer I saw something subtle and disturbing...The bars
were no longer straight. Powerful jaws forced painfully between bars
had clamped down and squeezed.
She is scared. She is afraid of being alone. My windows,
carpet, screen, and door frames lie shredded or in pieces. He final week of
freedom made me into a landlords nightmare, and a shambling ball of
stress.
If I put her in day care I may loose two hours a day getting her there and
then home. The extra $500+ a month is barely affordable and would leave
me with no savings or way to build one. And even then there would be times when
I would have to go out of the house for an evening and leave her
terrified and crated once more. Drugs don't really work. And, it seems
I am left with only one good option: get a second dog again.
This all started when I put Frasier to sleep. She was
ok for a while, calm, like she used to be when I left her at home with him.
But her old destructive ways gradually returned. The fears
built in her and no amount of cuddling or treats can keep them from coming back.
With Frasier gone I found myself looking forward to being able to visit friends
again without having to leave her behind. I could go away from town without
being killed by the expense of a kennel. But, with him I couldn't even kennel
him if I wanted; too aggressive, too dominant. I think maybe my
fears of loosing a piece of my life again to a second dog are unfounded. I wouldn't
take a dominant dog. I wouldn't take a dog I couldn't take to a kennel without
worry. And Ebony... Ebony would be sane again. She would have a friend to
keep her calm again. My movements would not really be significantly constricted
(nobody wants a friends dog in their house anyway). And an occasional weekend
at a kennel for 2 is far cheaper than $500+ a month for one.
There is love in my heart for another. I think I am just fearful that my
life has changed so much since I got Ebony: I have friends, I have a life, I
fear loosing those as they are so new and precious to me.