This morning, as I put her in her crate, before heading to work, I noticed a place on the steel bars that was covered in dried doggie slobber. As I looked closer I saw something subtle and disturbing...The bars were no longer straight. Powerful jaws forced painfully between bars had clamped down and squeezed.

She is scared. She is afraid of being alone. My windows, carpet, screen, and door frames lie shredded or in pieces. He final week of freedom made me into a landlords nightmare, and a shambling ball of stress.

If I put her in day care I may loose two hours a day getting her there and then home. The extra $500+ a month is barely affordable and would leave me with no savings or way to build one. And even then there would be times when I would have to go out of the house for an evening and leave her terrified and crated once more. Drugs don't really work. And, it seems I am left with only one good option: get a second dog again.

This all started when I put Frasier to sleep. She was ok for a while, calm, like she used to be when I left her at home with him. But her old destructive ways gradually returned. The fears built in her and no amount of cuddling or treats can keep them from coming back.

With Frasier gone I found myself looking forward to being able to visit friends again without having to leave her behind. I could go away from town without being killed by the expense of a kennel. But, with him I couldn't even kennel him if I wanted; too aggressive, too dominant. I think maybe my fears of loosing a piece of my life again to a second dog are unfounded. I wouldn't take a dominant dog. I wouldn't take a dog I couldn't take to a kennel without worry. And Ebony... Ebony would be sane again. She would have a friend to keep her calm again. My movements would not really be significantly constricted (nobody wants a friends dog in their house anyway). And an occasional weekend at a kennel for 2 is far cheaper than $500+ a month for one.

There is love in my heart for another. I think I am just fearful that my life has changed so much since I got Ebony: I have friends, I have a life, I fear loosing those as they are so new and precious to me.