Secret recording techniques bring you this transcript of my school headteacher and his meeting with the school nurse.

Mr. Stuart*: So, Janice, have you any ideas on exactly when to schedule the booster vaccinations for tetanus, polio and diphtheria?

Janice*: Well, Mr. Stuart, I was thinking perhaps the week beginning Monday the 18th of November.

Mr. Stuart: Let me get this straight - these are the vaccinations where we give the pupils less harmful forms of 3 killer diseases? All at once?

Janice: Yes, Mr Stuart.

Mr. Stuart: But what if the children's immune systems take a while to fight off the diseases? The GCSE mock examinations are only two weeks after the date you've set! A child could miss a week of school, and with all that revision time lost, they might do very badly on their exams! They might be re-set into a lower group, and not get the GCSE qualifications they deserve!

* * * There is a long silence. * * *

Janice: Yeah, but who cares?

Mr. Stuart: Well, when you put it like that...

So, yes, I had my vaccinations, and I swallowed the polio stuff that tasted like shit, and I was ill all week. How much coursework have I missed? How much class revision have I not had chance to do? I just can't wait till my mock exams.

Like, thanks a bunch Sir.

* - the names have been changed to protect the innocent guilty.

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