I'm not entirely sure that this is a clever thing to admit to, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Oft-times I've wondered, if you were stranded on a desert island and didn't have any food at all, but you did have access to a really good cauterising device, could you in fact eat yourself to say alive?

Sure, I realise that those are two pretty big ifs. And there are a couple more. Like infection, for a start. And pain. But still, disregarding those two, could it in fact be done? And what recipe would you use?

You'd start at the feet, surely. Or maybe the calves. There's a lot of meat in a calf, no pun intended. Then the thighs, buttocks, flanks, beer gut. And best of all, consider this: the more you ate, the less you'd need to feed! So eventually you'd be down to a head, trunk and one arm, which you'd probably have to just gnaw at, since it would be very hard to operate a cauterising machine with your teeth, even a good-quality one.

You'd also need that arm for waving when the search-plane flew over. I've never tried it, but I imagine it's very hard to wave with just a trunk.