The Q-Ray Ionic Bracelet
is a personal health product advertised primarily during daytime TV
. Regular viewers of
have certainly seen commercials for it, as has every amateur infomercial watcher.
"(the manufacturer makes no claim that there is a scientific consensus regarding this product)"
Let's start with the important part. The Q-Ray sells at a retail price of $49.95, base. Shinier versions are available at
higher prices (Silver finish: $89.95, Gold finish: $117.95, Deluxe natural: $125.95, Combo deluxe: $134.95, Deluxe gold:
$199.95, Platinum: $245.95). Wow. This raises the interesting question of how much people are really willing to pay for
piece of mind, since even the basic $50 bracelet is just a hunk of metal.
Sorry, sorry -- a mystical hunk of metal. Ahem: "It is believed that the Q-Ray Ionized Bracelet works under the same
principles as the ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture." The website goes on to explain that life is dictated by a
balance between Yin and Yang, or positive and negative ions. Wearing metal on one's wrists, of course, evens out the levels of
these ions. It is supposed that the bracelet must destroy these ions, since one certainly won't notice calcium chloride
forming all over my skin or any other similar symptoms.
Side effects include:
- The Q-Ray may stop functioning, based on the user's "PH sic type and acidity level." The word "acidity" does not
suffice, so "level" must be added (redundantly) to prove the point.
- The Natural Series may cause discoloration of the skin.
- The Q-Ray should not be worn anywhere near electric blankets, tanning beds, or "magnetic products."
- No other metals may be worn on the same wrist, lest the evil ionic demons possess them and cause an explosion.
- The ends of the bracelet may NOT come in contact with each other! Disaster may occur! If your Q-Ray bracelet
is too large, do NOT attempt to wear it! Contact the manufacturer immediately to purchase another!
It's quite a buy, I assure you. But I think what really sums it up is this conversation, between my manager and a customer:
Customer: (noticing the bracelet on Manager's wrist): Oh, hey, a Q-Ray! Does it help you?
Manager: Mm... (thinking deeply) sometimes. Hey! (noticing same bracelet on Customer's
wrist) Does yours help you?
Customer: Aw, you know. Sometimes.
Thank you for your time.