Some time ago, I decided to build a Linux
box and gain some expertise
with a real system. I set up Red Hat
, the whole works. It got control of the DNS hostname
had kindly given me as well, so I set up Apache
and a mail server, and gave all my friends an account.
Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me.
By then, she'd been using her address @zach.att.com for quite awhile, and all her friends knew it and used it as her primary. My logs said that she was actually responsible for one-fifth of the mail traffic on my server.
I didn't really have the guts to kill the account or change her password, so I contented myself with small revenges. I wrote a daemon which executed
wall every 15 seconds:
-- Broadcast message from root (tty1) Nov 16 2002 at 13:51:02 --
Get off my server, you're not wanted here.
-- Broadcast message from root (tty1) Nov 16 2002 at 13:51:17 --
Didn't you hear me? I don't know why you're still here. Leave me the hell alone.
-- Broadcast message from root (tty1) Nov 16 2002 at 13:51:32 --
I slept with your sister.
She kept showing up, though. I recompiled
getty so that her account took ten minutes to log in.
fortune called her a bitch at every possible opportunity. Her sessions still kept piling up.
A couple days ago, I got desperate. Driven beyond my means; I opened
To: <her brand-new rebound boyfriend's address>
Bcc: <her parents>
Subject: I thought you'd like to know
I'm leaving. I hope none of you miss me too much, but I'm not coming
back from Devner. I found a job at the airport for the time being, and this is where I'm staying. It's destiny, guys.
Love you all.
She'd really just gone to a journalism seminar in the Rockies for the weekend. Her parents freaked out and drove a third of the way across the country to find her. By some miraculous twist of fate, none of them ever realized that I'd sent the message myself; guess they weren't real hackers, after all. The police wrote it off as a weird prank, and she got paranoid and stopped using my server. I could finally disable my insult robots.
Really, everyone was happy in the end.