There's no way to start off a good February besides fucking drowning kittens. "What the hell?" you ask. "And what's up with you using this same 'QUESTION, you ask? EXTENSION OF QUESTION' format every time you make a writeup?" The answer is that I don't know. What I do know, though, is that's it's wrong to drown kittens.

Duh. I mean, vegetarian or vegan or ruthless carnivore or whatever, you still probably agree that drowning poor, helpless kittens is morally wrong. Maybe there are some reasons why you could get away with it. Say:

  • You are an evil and hateful person.
  • You just really hate cats.
  • They're about to gently lick you to death.
  • Hell, I don't know. There's no good excuse for killing kittens.
So, why did I bring this up? Well, my uncle just came to visit, and was discussing the exploits of my cousins over a refreshing game of Grand Theft Auto. He happened to mention "Actually, my kids drowned kittens this week."

The three of them all work on a farm in Natick, Massachusetts, selling pies or something. But apparently some kittens had been getting into the slaughterhouse (which apparently exists) and stealing meat.

They kept coming back. So they drowned them.

Isn't there a more humane way to deal with this? Like, say, NOT KILLING BABY KITTENS? Maybe sealing up the door to the slaughterhouse? Maybe bringing them to the pound? Maybe donating them to owners in another part of the state? Maybe, if you are going to kill them, doing it in a kinder manner than suffocation?

Ye gods. Is there no civility left in this world?