Through my days of
camping and
back packing, I have encountered a wide rage of various styles of outhouses, from the most minimal to
lavish. These are most often found in
scout camps and thus have a certain... style to them - often not worrying about such things as partitions.
The artwork in public outhouses is often on the crude side - this is what people are thinking of at the time they are using them. This ranges from the classic poem (with substations as appropriate):
Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to poop and only farted
Graffiti is especially common in places where you aren't going to return for some period of time... and in the rare instance there is some especially interesting piece of
artwork. Some of the most... memorable artwork that I recall was detailed drawing of
female anatomy around a
knothole. While this alone is interesting (especially to the mind of a pubescent male), one has to wonder in retrospect the
inspiration for it... was it:
- An opportune moment for some pornography?
- The fact that anyone who used the hole would be waving his member to the entire public?
- The poison ivy patch right outside the hole that the member would be
waving in?
One seaters
- The Throne
- The most basic of the one seaters and most minimal of all. This 'outhouse' barely qualifies for the word 'house' while 'out' certainly does apply. The throne is a seat in the open. No walls. It gets its name from the fact that sitting on it you are the master of all you survey and often leads to sitting back and enjoying the nature around you. Realize also that you are surveyed by all around you too - including the wildlife.
This style is only found in the mild temperatures and often features a metal seat. Wood exposed to the elements has the tendency to rot (termites in the seat are not fun, nor is fungus) and plastic just doesn't have the staying power. As metal is a remarkable conductor, the seat often has the exact same temperature as the surroundings. Early mornings often include
some dew (I hope that was dew). A sunny afternoon in late summer should be watched out for - this can lead to very painful posteriors as the scorching metal comes in contact with skin that is rather sensitive. This style is paticularly prone to 'hovering' by men as practiced by many women.
- The Stall
- One step above the throne, the stall is essentially a wall and (the vast majority of the time) a roof. This is the classic outhouse and often features the classic moon on the door. This style has been emulated by the port-a-potties, though rarely has the style for stand up urination as the port-a-potties do (see chemical toilet for more about these).
Two and more seaters
- Pilot to Co-pilot
- Picture a bench. Picture a bench with two holes in it and walls on
all sides. That is the essence of this style which derives its name from the cockpit of a plane. As with many multiple seaters, partitions between the seats are not used. This leads to uncomfortable situations when one or more person is embarrassed about his (or her - though unfortunately that was never an issue at Scout camps) equipment and partial nudity in the presence of others.
- Pilot to Bombardier
- Pilot to bombardier, pilot to bombardier - prepare to drop chocolate chipmunks. Over.
Thats a no can do - I'm currently releasing the hershey's squirts. Over.
Similar to the pilot to co-pilot style, this version had two seats placed one behind the other, both facing the same direction. Occasionally a wall is placed between them (some sense of privacy) so that the individual in front has something to lean back upon (the individual in the back has the outer wall for this).
- Back to back
- A variant on the pilot to bombardier this one had a bench with a partition between them such that the users of the stall would be back to back to each other. A rarely seen (and very unpopular) version of this had no such wall and lead to many uncomfortable shouts of "Dude! Don't lean back! Thats just un-cool!" as one person would accidently stretch. It furthermore had the problem that when someone got up, they would be mooning the other person's back. This rarely was a problem except in the case of flatulence or diarrhea.