keep going
if you slow down, it will catch up
you'll have to feel what you are hiding from
it will overtake you in a tidal wave of tears
leaving you crushed and helpless
its never a good time
just have to keep moving
don't slow down

Every so often something hits you and you are forced to stop for a moment. In this quiet moment, something can catch up. Its that something that you've been running from, consciously trying to avoid dealing with or just never looking at.

It has caught you once again and old feelings or insecurities resurface - burred feelings claw their way to the conscious mind.

Even without any issues running from, stopping for a bit, looking back at the choices made - the roads sealed off as the immutable past will stir feelings in all but the most stoic of souls.

The race we run is one of trying to outpace our history, our ghosts and our feelings. Stopping for a moment only lets these tears-to-be a chance to catch up and overwhelm.

And then we try to pick ourselves up - counciling, medication, cathartic writing, or sheer force of will; we try to shrug off the tentacles of self doubt. Push those feelings deep down again under the psyche and begin the run again - hoping once again and and hoping that we won't trip again - letting whatever new demons hound our heels catch up.

(April 5, 2002)