Every half
billion years or so (on our time frame) the creators of the
universes get together and have a review of the
life,
intellect,
souls, and whatnot that have been created in their respective universes for
peer review. Below is the
transcript of the meeting.
- Chairman
- I call this peer review meeting of the creators into order. First on the agenda is a glance at universe #42 joint project of the interns Jehovah, Allah and Lord overseen by Gaia.
Your last report was quite disappointing having just started with unicellular life... and glancing at the time line you presented I see... three major extinctions?! So, what do you have to show now?
- Jehovah
- Well, sir, we've got humanity.
- Chairman
- Hmm, seem fairly standard - biped, bilateral symmetry, two sexes... Many of the other creators had difficulty with this style before with equality issues. Have you done any work to address this?
- Allah
- Um, no sir, we haven't decided upon who best take the initiative on this. They've only had civilization for the past four thousand years or so.
- Jehovah
- (hushed whisper to Lord) I told you not to push them to sentience so early, but no you had to make that monolith... "so perfect" you said... 1x4x9 my ass!
- Chairman
- (clears throat) Continuing on, biology... fairly standard, though you seem to have done very little with the mind. From these specs, the brain is only using a small fraction of its full potential.
Hmm... some sloppy craftsmanship here... this 'appendix' thing. Who was responsible for the digestive track?
- Jehovah
- That would be me, sir. I tried to clean up after it... There is this whole section about 'kosher' I handed down to them to keep it from having any problems. Apparently I forgot to take it out in the primate conversion.
- Chairman
- I see. So, what you've got to show for me is this humanity? A bunch of hairless apes who think opposable thumbs and walking erect is the next best thing to sliced bread?
- Allah
- Um, sliced bread was my idea.
- Chairman
- Silence!
You've had 15 billion years, The first 10 billion years you just sat around and tinkered with dark matter. Now that you've finally created sentient life, the best you can show for it is humanity? Your creations have as much gall as you do - proclaiming themselves to be the best possible creation and evidence of intelligent design.
I've had better organisms produced in the biology 101 lab. I expected more from you... you are graduate students here at the Universal University. 15 billion years... and humanity.
- Jehovah
- But we convinced half of them that I did it in 7 days!
- Chairman
- So either they're gullible or they have it right on the dot with how much time you have put into consideration for design. I herby dismiss the principle investigators on this universe and turn control over to Gaia to clean things up and get it running in proper order. I suggest that you three class clowns repeat several of your classes on this degree program - paticularly "Harmony" and "Unity". Frankly the best portrayal of you three that humanity has come up with is the Three Stooges!
Lord, you and I will be having a meeting sometime this millennium about this incident of... well, you know, Christ. I expected more of you - you weren't from that drunken fraternity of Greeks that produced more offspring in the continuum than any group of creators I've dealt with before.
You three are dismissed from this meeting.
Continuing on... who has the report on fluidic space?
- Lord
- (to other two) I told you we shouldn't have let that guy with pitchfork help us out... Yea, I know he left us apples for lunch that one day, but I'm certain he tinkered with humanity... I tell you... one day it will be war... an all out Armageddon. Then I'll get him...
In short, I doubt humanity is much to brag about, and a poor example if you're looking for an Argument from Design.