First Item

This has been a big week for Snakey, SweetFaceBoy's seven-month-old red rat snake. He shed for the third time on Wednesday and is absolutely glistening. SFB has saved all the sheddings and stored them in secret places around his room, guarded by armies of Legos bristling with weaponry. On Friday's he gets fed. Today he graduates from pinkies (hairless baby mice, eyes still closed) to fuzzies (look like grown mice, but really tiny). Red rat snakes are notorious pigs so I'm not worried about him eating.

Supervixen says she hates it when we feed him, but I think it is more squeamishness than anything. After all, her all brothers had snakes. ( Heavens! That may be the problem.) She won't allow RunningHammer to watch Snakey eat, although we've snuck him in a couple of times. He just wants to be one of the guys.

"Daddydaddydaddy!" he yells, popping with excitement as he looks up to me from the feeding bag we have Snakey in. "Nakey eating. NAKEY EATING!!"

We all look back in to see him slurp the final bit of tail.

Next item

Vonda MaShone is going to his crackhead father and underage stripper girlfriend for the weekend to meet his new baby sister who was born while he was vacationing with his slut-whore-bitch mother for the last two weeks. I'm waiting for the question:

"Uncle Lovejoy, I love you and Aunt Vix and all and everything, but why does the new baby get to live with my daddy and I don't and my mommy buys a new big house and I don't live with her?"

Answer (Brain Version): Well, buddy, your dad is a violent drunk and a drug addict. He's been in jail several times. We took you in when he was busted for beating up stripper and no one could find your mom because she was whoring in Dallas. Remember when you couldn't see him for a long time? It was because he had a house arrest ankle transmitter and he knew he couldn't explain that one to you. He can't keep his dick in his pants, which is why you now have a sister. Your mother didn't want you. She walked out on you and your dad when you were three months old. She only wants to see you now to parade you in front of her friends. You mean nothing to her.

Answer (Mouth Version): Listen, sweetie. Families come in all different shapes and sizes. Your mommy and daddy, like a lot of mommies and daddies, didn't get along. They thought it best that you come live with us. They have grownup things in their lives that make it so it is still best that you live with us. We love you. I know it might be hard to understand, but that's the way it is. (Uneasy pause.) Come on, lets go watch Spongebob.

He'll nod his head OK, and we'll all get cozy on the couch. The sick thing is that I'm getting good at this.

Last Item

Is is possible to love someone so intensely that you are driven almost mad with desire? Is it possible for this to last for 12 years? Is it possible to be thunderstruck by her beauty while stepping out of the shower, rushing to work, holding a child? Is it possible to feel all this despite her regular infuriating nature?

Blessedly, the answer is yes.