Utah, and the State of Sick and Tired of Being Trod Upon.
It's not just Utah. It's Los Angeles. And Europe. And NYC. And Portland. And Brazil. And Goa. And London. And Sydney. And Christchurch. Toronto, Beijing, Des Moines, Miami, Detroit. This kind of crap happens all over the world - in varying degrees.
I've gone to a lot of things like this. My number one fear? It has always been fear of the police that they'll show up and over-react and bust my head open. That's my foremost fear.
I've never been worried about getting bad dope, or overdosing, or being kidnapped or shot or jumped by random thugs or any of the things these Law Enforcement Officers are claiming to protect me from. I don't worry about human stampedes or panics. These things just don't happen with a great enough frequency in my experience to worry about, at all.
Remarkably, I do worry about thuggish behavior, trampling or rioting at mainstream concerts or sporting events. And cops. And overzealous security.
But not at a rave, dance party, outdoor or other gathering of my family and families.
Yeah, there are much larger and easily more news-worthy and terrible problems in the world, all over the place. AIDS. Hunger. Cancer. And more.
But how are we supposed to help them when our own supposedly free lands are sliding into what appears to be fascism, piece by piece by piece?
How are we supposed to become whole, active, creatively minded citizens when we can't even express ourselves as we see fit?
Yeah, it's just Utah. Just some 'kids' in Utah. But it's looking like this Utah thing might just be a simple little straw atop a pile of many, many pieces of straw, growing heavier by the moment.
Viewed as a single incident, perhaps it can easily be dismissed as a bad party, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. But it's not a single incident - it didn't happen in a vacuum.
People I know in my extended family all over the world are outraged about this. And their families, and their families, and so on, from tribe to tribe all over the globe.
We're pissed, we're mad as hell, we're sick and tired of it, and it looks and feels like we're looking around at each other, wide-eyed and pondering how much longer we'll sit still for this kind of abuse to any of our extended family anywhere. And it's not just a raver thing.
And I am not just some kid. I am not in Utah. I grew up in Los Angeles, supposedly a freedom-loving wacky melting pot of weirdness and creativity.
Why would I identify with these kids from Utah? Because I've seen the same things, but no one was there to document them. I've seen tear gas, rubber bullets and nightstick beatdowns by LAPDs finest.
I've seen epithets and hatred and fear of the unknown hiding behind armor and helmet, face shields and arm shields and nightsticks and guns. I've seen a complete lack of any attempt at understanding or empathy.
And I'm weary of it. Yeah, I'm emotionally invested. This is music and people and culture and art that I love with all my heart and soul, without which I wouldn't be who I am today, without which I'm not even sure if I would be alive today.
Last night a DJ saved my life - and that DJ was me!
Why does this have to happen almost every generation? Why is it that the next new wave of culture is almost immediately accused of attempting to destroy society as we know it, of being evil, unnatural, and worse? We are culture. Not sub-culture. We are culture. We are society, and you better get used to it unless you want to end up bitter, alone and waiting to
die in a rest home.
The happiest, most complete moments of my life revolve around art and music and people sharing it with me. My happiest moments have been freely dancing myself into blissful inward-outward moments of zen-like oblivion, of moments effortless effort suspended against time and space itself. Once and for all able to see my own strength, my own truth, my own beauty in the face of the Creator or Cosmos that birthed and nurtured me.
And I'm tired of having to apologize for that.
And I'm sick and tired of being afraid. And I'm tired of being told I need to be ashamed. I'm tired of being told to feel guilty for feeling good.
I'm sick and fucking tired of being told that my attempts to make myself feel whole and complete and happy are wrong.
I'm sick and fucking tired of being told that my attempts to minister to my own body, mind and spirit as I see fit and that I find true and correct are wrong.
I'm no longer ashamed. I will no longer feel guilty.
Because I'm not guilty of anything except perhaps simply trying to be, and to be Human.