i'm so confused again. i was so happy about being single
. i was single by choice for the first time ... ever. i even had a fellow who wanted me that i didn't want to prove
it. but what the hell does that say? i can hold him up for show
and pretend that i'm happy? what kind of bullshit
ok so i am happy to be single. it's a good thing. but i stopped very suddenly today. literally, i stopped. i stopped everything
. the semester was over. my application was in. i'm done. ... so now what? now i sleep and sleep and sleep
. because i can't think of anything better to do. and i wonder if i might have a slightly better time in someone's arms. i miss it a little. i miss him
. i miss the other him too. i wonder what could have happened. i wonder if there's another him out there somewhere too. and i am so hideously tired of one night stand
s. i love them. one night stands are fantastic. but doesn't it get old? what do you do with sex?
i watched a really nice little romantic comedy
with ed norton (I LOVE ED NORTON)
who reminds me a little of someone i know and now i wonder what could have happened with him if he lived anywhere near here.
i hate being so fucking useless!!!
and i don't know what to do with being so fucking happy and so fucking sad
i spent the evening with a good friend of mine, and i haven't been lacking for company
. but i haven't honestly connect
ed with somebody in a real way since i met him a few weeks ago, or since i said goodbye
a long time ago before a long drive home.
so i'm left here again daydreaming
and writing like shit and wishing i could do something about all the ways i want to feel something
and wanting somebody to talk to that i could love and thinking about goddam ed norton
of all people because he's my new celebrity crush
and damn i need something to feel about to make this all feel a little less sad.
so how sad
i miss. i don't know what. but i miss it very very much. sigh.