I am not liking it.

I don't watch television. The Introverted Thinker says, "Mom, we haven't turned on the television for two years. Quit paying for it."

We had a lifetime $9 a month satellite package. Some weird secondary sport one that my ex chose. Lots of curling. However, the main channels were on as well. I quit paying for it. This is in the early 2010s.

Are there main channels any more?

I don't watch movies either. Much. I watched movies with B but we stopped doing that when he freaked out after I was sick, so we are still in contact but in a much more prescribed way. TMI. Anyhow, I haven't watched a movie since. Why watch a movie if I am not being snuggled?

Before B I did watch movies every so often, back Before Covid, when I could go to our local theatre alone and eat really good popcorn with tons of butter. It feels like 100 years ago, doesn't it? That is the new ACE wiring, adults rewire too.

Any time I want to learn something I look for a book. My children say, "Mom, YouTube." But I hate the videos. They are boring. They are slow. They eat up time.

Anyhow, I've signed up for an online class. Ugh. I am hating it. I get impatient after 5 minutes. "Shit, get to the meat." This may be partly a result of medical school and continuing medical education. In medical school my school did the anatomy class in ten weeks, simultaneous with microbiology (slides), dissecting a real human (ours had had cancer, in liver and metastasis to other places, and had his gallbladder out), and I think we also had embryology at the same time. The word trophoblast made our entire class seize. The last three weeks of anatomy, head and neck, was taught by an old Austrian who dissected heads in his garage (think of the traffic stop. "Sir, please open your trunk."). He would start each lecture saying, "Don't worry, we will go fast but we will go over it all tomorrow." Then he would talk as fast as he could and we would push back against our seats, against the onslaught of information. After that class, YouTube educational videos mostly seem like an interminable torture device.

Live lectures seem pretty slow too. I went to lectures on how to be a Good Rotarian and gawd talk about torture. Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah and so forth. Think positive. Engage everyone! Ick. I wanted to crawl under the table and imitate a dead cockroach. Also one of the old guys in my district suggested I sit on his lap. I replied, "Yeah, that went away a long time ago, get with the times." I didn't call him an asshole or anything, but I did not endear myself to him. I thought he is a creep, so it is mutual.

Somehow a live lecturer is more forgivable. Or, well, I guess I have been spoiled by medical lectures, fifty hours of continuing medical education a year and last year I retook the AAFP Boards. I had lapsed because I had ignored the yearly stuff for too long. I did study, mostly just doing hours of practice exam questions on the AAFP site (included in my yearly payment) and the AAFP Board site (also included in my yearly payment). Anyhow, I passed it and then it's good for ten years if I do my yearly stuff. Have I done it yet this year? No, I haven't. Sigh. I should. May still want the medical license for SOMETHING, even if it's just laying in a supply of penicillin and clindamycin for my NEXT pneumonia.

I will keep trying to work through the class I paid for, five minutes at a time. Last night I had a nightmare. I am signed up for classes at a college. I cann't find the room. I realize I am not even in the right building. I can't find my way back and I have to stop and say where the hell AM I on this campus? And I wake up.

I had asked for a dream with my male and female archetypes, about love. Apparently they are busy college students. Who knew?

Sympathy for all the on line learners. Ick. Hope you are better at it than me.b . (those last two b . are kitten contributions, so I am leaving them.)