This time the strep antibodies are at 220. Last time they were over 600. Anti-streptolysin antibody, also known as an ASO.

I am irritable. I can't tell if the antibodies make me irritable or if I am irritable because I am sick and scared.

Streptococcus Group A has evolved with us and puts cell receptors on the surface mimicking human cells. That way it can live in our throats or ears. So rheumatic fever and pandas are not autoantibody disorders or autoimmune. They are pseudo-auto-antibody disorders. The antibody appropriately attaches to and helps our bodies kill streptococcus Group A. But the antibodies also attack our own tissues that look like streptococcus A. In rheumatic fever, they can attack joints or the heart muscle.

The first time I had it, in 2012, my lungs and muscles felt like strep throat. My muscles and lungs burned like strep throat. It was like having thousands or hundreds of thousands of pins stuck into my muscles. I don't know how high my level got then. Probably higher than 600. I didn't quite croak.

Some children with PANDAs have levels up to 2000. It takes three months for the antibody level to drop, even if the strep is treated. Because it is the child's body that is making the antibody.

Ugh, three months. If the sinus infection clears on xray, maybe the fear part of the irritation will clear....I do need to cut back clinic for now. I have a 9 day trip planned for the end of the month, so that will help, and to visit an old friend who knows me very well.

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Today's dream: I am on a tropical island. There is wine. Some of it is poisoned. I am frightened. I realize that all of the wine has been mixed together anyhow, so that only a tiny percentage is poisoned. No one will be harmed if they only drink a small amount.

Of course, I think as I wake up. Too much wine or too much of any alcohol is poisonous.....

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Oh, and the other thing is that when my antibodies are high, people consistently tell me that I look great or that I look beautiful. That part feels really bizarre. Three yesterday. It's sort of hard to reply to when I am feeling like hell. It only seems to work in person which would indicate a visual or hormonal cue. I don't know what the antibodies do, change my pheromones? Or does our society think that suffering is beauty on women?