News just in - The
British summertime has been grounded until late
August I can exclusively reveal.
Moments ago I overheard its mother talking to members of the British Met office who were pleading with her 'sun' to be let out. She said, "I'm afraid he won't be going anywhere for a while, I caught him stealing penny sweets from Patel's multi-mart back in May and when I confronted him he just told me a pack of bare-faced lies"
She went on to say, "It may seem a little harsh but I initially allowed him out for a couple of weekends in June but Springtime's mother had to drag him round to our house by the scruff of his neck - apparently he'd been bullying springtime and had threatened to 'bog-wash' him unless he gave over his dinner money"
The latest news is that summertime is refusing to eat his greens and can be heard stomping around his room screaming, "It's not fair, I hate you, I hate you, I hope you die" before bursting into tears and burying his head into his bean-bag.
In the meantime, summertime's place is being admirably covered by his short-tennis partner, Overcastwankweather.