I’ve decided that my trial needs to be done in a different genre. I’m tired of this courtroom drama business. I want my trial to be a musical.

Song about jury selection, sung by attorneys. The song will be about the necessity of being fair, but also about selecting jurors that will convict or acquit as the attorney desires. Powermad section by prosecutor about how guilt is guaranteed, with counterpoint by defense about the presumption of innocence as well as the fact of innocence.

Evidence should be set up in a song and dance format. Think the West Side Story encounters between the Jets and the Sharks for the video of the police confrontations with the protesters, with people not involved not singing or dancing, or doing it very differently.

Song by witnesses about their testimony being structured by attorneys. Main theme is that witnesses want to tell the story their way, with counterpoint by attorneys saying "that’s not what I’m asking you" and a chorus by everyone else saying how much faster the case would go if the witnesses would just answer the questions posed.

Song by the court staff about the ridiculousness of the case, with a section by court reporters singing how they don’t want to record it.

Song about how the judge favors the prosecutor in objections and evidence, sung by attorneys. The song will end with the defense wondering what the judge is thinking, which leads into the next number.

Fantasy dance number by the judge about how he’s not paying attention and really just wants to be dancing. This will involve the judge getting up on the bench, lifting his robe, and doing a dance that involves kicking. I’m thinking "Singing in the Rain" for this.

Song by police witnesses about how they’re more credible than civilians. Start out with the protect and serve theme, move towards police state/big brother themes.

Sotto voce dance number by the defendants about how it’s like we’re not here most of the time, how everyone is being very casual about something that’s going to affect the rest of our lives, how we’re talked about like we’re not people, and how we’re lumped together but we don’t even know each other.

Reprise of guilt/innocence themes introduced in the jury selection song.

Song by the jury about confusion.

Song by everyone about how boring the case is, with a section wherein the prosecutor complains loudly and is countered by the defense saying that he could drop the charges at any time. This should be a long song, sung mostly by jurors but also by everyone else, and should again feature the dancing judge. This should also have a variation on the guilty theme by the prosecutor in which he loses his temper, and talks about how he’s just doing his job. Backups by everyone else singing about what a scary freak he is.

Jury deliberation song.

Next: May 13, 2002.
Previous: May 3, 2002.