Product Design: The new, the improved—

Phantom boyfriend!
Yes, you too can own this new model,
At no additional cost!!
Place significant other under heavy workload,
Extend communication to once every other day,
lather, rinse, repeat!
Under correct conditions,
The boyfriend/girlfriend status is secure,
But now you are free to run around, act crazy, and bounce off the walls at your own free will!
Live your life, follow your dreams, promote your independence!
And yet, you’re still able to tell those losers you meet at the bar that you’re not single…
(Product warning: Please do not try this at home. Phantom boyfriend is for entertainment purposes only.
Failure to comply may result in significant heartache, loss of sexual interaction, and shortness of breath.
Opinions expressed by noder do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Everything2.)