Back again, not for certain how long...

It's odd to pick up an old diary that hasn't been used in years, but still has blank pages in it. How do you fill the gap with all that has happened? Do you trivialize everything, narrow it down to one short, concise, bulleted list? Or do you write pages and pages and pages on everything swirling through your head...?

It's been too long. I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do; my life has become one long longing for clarity. Especially... him. I want him, need him, crave him; he burns out my insides, sets me on fire... and yet. And yet, I can't even remember what he looks like. What he sounds like. What he smells like. Each time we meet, it may as well be for the first time... "Who are you?" The lines of his skin sear my thoughts, but I know nothing about him. I probably shouldn't know anything about him, though, should I? A cardinal rule of casual sex; never get too attached. I don't even WANT a relationship (I think)... he certainly doesn't. But with the string of men in my life who have said "I like you, I want to have sex with you, but I don't want to date you", I'm left to wonder if there's some bizarre mental quirk I'm unaware of, some misfiring in my brain that sends out "this girl is dangerous, back the fuck off" vibes... I think it's time to build the wall up again. Distance... Detachment... Sanity... ahhhhhhh.