Depression sucks, even when you are in love

I should be happy. I live in a great city, I've got good plans for my future, and I finally found someone whom I can say I truly love. But... I just feel off, I guess. I don't have a car, I'm in financial hell right now, and I just don't think I have any friends. Well, at least, not in Baltimore. I interact with people, sure, but I honestly don't think any of them would miss me at all if I were to drop off the face of the earth (well, with one or two exceptions). That whole group of people... I think some of them are absolutely great, but the rest are so damn exclusive... what do I have to do, fill out an application to be welcome into their crowd? And for the record, aren't 30 year olds too old for all this "he-said she-said" high school bullshit? I know, most people would say, if they're so petty, why want to be friends with them? Well, like I said, some of them are great, but it seems to be a package deal. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go hang out with them anyway, because their "gang-leader" hates me for reasons completely unjustified-- I make her "uncomfortable". Probably just because I'm a woman, I'd imagine...

In any event, I just don't feel like I have anyone around that I can talk to when I need to... but then, maybe I should just shut up and call someone instead of sitting around waiting for my phone to ring. Maybe I should listen to myself when I give all my perky "It'll all be okay" sunshine speeches to other people when they're upset.

Suck it up. Keep in the tears. Explode later.