I never thought I would really be in this situation. I went to the
gynecologist today...she insisted that I take another
blood test for
pregnancy, and this time, it turned up positive. I took one last Tuesday, and it was negative... apparently because I had
conceived only a few days prior to the test. But now, it's been the right amount of days to detect it, and
here I am, 19 years old, knocked up, and scared out of my freaking mind.
I used to think that if this ever happened to me, I would have an
abortion, no questions asked. But now I'm on the other side of the fence... and now it seems less possible for me to kill off something growing inside me. I'm highly pro-choice, but... now that I HAVE the choice, I don't know if I want to make it. What I would ultimately like to do is give birth, and put it into a loving, adoptive home. But can I actually go through with having it? I'm so focused on school right now... I'm working two jobs.But that makes me seem selfish...
I just can't reach a decision...
The worst part is-- I don't know who's it is. I feel so guilty, and saying that I don't know makes me think that I come across as some cheap half-rate slut. But it's only one of two people... and once they do more blood work, and narrow down the possible day of conception, well, then I'll be able to figure it out a little better... God, I feel bad. I used to think that I was invincible... that this stuff only happened to other people...
Well, guess what? I was wrong.