The siren outside bleeds through the night, sobbing its way into eternity outside my window. A city, oozing with rain, flattens out for miles around me, the orange-grey skies soaked, a wet woolen blanket pressing down...

The insides of my thighs are damp with blood; warm feminine smells, soft familiar pain, an empty yearning for something that I didn't think I wanted. Curtains flutter gently, the world breathes in breathes out in deep expanding sighs. My heart is pained, my insides are broken, my mind is stained.

"Should have known better than to cheat a friend, the wasted chance that I've been given; so I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you..."

Maybe I really don't know what love is. It seems that whenever I think I really have found it, I'm only misleading myself; and the times I think are too comfortable, too domestic, too quiet and peaceful are always the ones I have to wreck-- the ones that always haunt me later. Why do I insist on sabotaging the good and holding on to the bad? Will I ever learn...?

"It's raining in Baltimore, baby, but everything else is the same...There's things I remember and things I forget; I miss you, I guess that I should...Three thousand five hundred miles away, but what would you change if you could...?"

Whatever happens will happen... maybe this time, I won't take the nice guys for granted.