I hate it when my friends try to play
matchmaker...
A week or two ago, my
friend Cheli decided that there was a guy that goes to school with her that I'm destined to be with (or something), so of course, she had to arrange that we start talking to each other on
AIM after she showed us pictures of each other. All was going fine, in fact, all was going great... I "intrigued him", and he did the same to me.
Then I got the
dumb idea that I should visit her at school, and meet him in person. He picked me up from the bus station, and we were getting along really well, talking about
random shit and just having a good time. The rest of Friday went much the same way, so I was in a
pretty good mood. I didn't see him much on Saturday, and that was fine, but I knew we were going to go out and watch the
stars in a large group of people, so naturally... being the
pathetic girl that I am, I just assumed that if I had an attraction, and he seemed to have an attraction, then something might fall into place. No... definitely not. I spent the whole evening worrying about it, but decided finally that maybe it was the whole "
shyness factor" thing, and that I'd talk to him about it on AIM when I got back to
Maryland.
Instead, I'm awakened the next morning by my best friend's
suitemate calling her (she was away for the weekend), and while pretending to be
asleep, listen to her go on and on about how things just won't work out between me and Brian. Gee, Cheli, thanks for telling me that to my
face.
So of course, I have to sit there and be upset about it for the rest of the
morning, and well into the evening. He saw
pictures of me (not even really good ones at that), he told me over and over that he really liked talking to me, and then suddenly, I meet him
in person and I'm not good enough?
What the hell? I don't know what on earth I did wrong... I acted completely naturally around him (although I was definitely a bit
shy), I really enjoyed talking to him in person, and
I thought he was a really great
guy. I'm trying very hard not to
take it personally, but that certainly feels like a direct stab to my
ego. Do I not dress good enough for him? Am I not
funny enough? Do I lack something that I am just not aware of? It doesn't help that he's still really nice to me... that means that there just wasn't enough of something in me for him to find "intriguing" anymore, but enough of something there for him to at least want me as a friend. Maybe I
worry too much... maybe I'm
too sensitive... but I've spent the whole evening in a mood darker than hell, because somehow,
somehow, I'm just
not good enough. Thanks.