Man, this is so true. . .XP definitely won't pay the rent, mostly because he sits around all day on some beanbag he dug out of the guy who live next door's trash heap. He just sits around on that old, tattered, soiled thing, eating potato chips and bitching about how the cable isn't working.

"XP," quoth I, "Jesus, XP, we haven't had cable in over two months!"

So then he whimpered very softly, very quietly, in that XP manner that makes me want to scream at him, weep for him, and bake him cookies, "I know. God, I know."

I thought about it for a minute, and then said, "Listen, XP, why don't you call your parents and ask them for some cash? I've already hit mine up for this week."

And then he sighed quietly, and whispered, "I'm an orphan. I don't know who my parents are, I don't know who gave me away. I don't know why, all I know is on whose doorstep I wound up."

So then I kind of made a little sigh, and said, "I wish you'd wound up on my doorstep. Hell, I wish ten of you'd wound up on my doorstep. No, a hundred!"

So XP won't pay the rent. So he won't get up off his damn beanbag (I think there are roaches in there or something. . .and I could've sworn I heard it talking to me yesterday!), he won't stop bitching about the cable, and he won't stop making crumbs and wasting hours and hours of my life a week. He's still kind of a nice guy to have around the house. Besides, a thousand XP is better than less than none! Besides, he gets into all kinds of mishief that makes having him worth it for the stories alone! Like this one time he got completely lost after I had some argument about religion with this one guy. . .and this other time, I got really angry because I thought I saw him over at this one guy named Jerry's house, and Jerry is a real jerk. So I stood on the street for a whole damn week screaming, "XP, come back to me! I miss you!" I thought there was going to be a nuclear war or something, but ultimately XP showed back up. He came back.

He always comes back.

I hope