Man, this is so true. . .
XP definitely won't pay the
rent, mostly because he sits around all day on some
beanbag he dug out of the guy who live next door's
trash heap. He just sits around on that old, tattered, soiled thing, eating
potato chips and
bitching about how the
cable isn't working.
"
XP," quoth I, "Jesus,
XP, we haven't had
cable in over two months!"
So then he whimpered very softly, very quietly, in that
XP manner that makes me want to
scream at him,
weep for him, and
bake him
cookies, "I know. God, I know."
I thought about it for a minute, and then said, "Listen,
XP, why don't you call your parents and ask them for some
cash? I've already hit mine up for this week."
And then he sighed quietly, and whispered, "I'm an
orphan. I don't know who my parents are, I don't know who gave me away. I don't know why, all I know is on whose doorstep I wound up."
So then I kind of made a little sigh, and said, "I wish you'd wound up on my doorstep. Hell, I wish ten of you'd wound up on my doorstep. No, a hundred!"
So
XP won't pay the
rent. So he won't get up off his damn
beanbag (I think there are roaches in there or something. . .and I could've sworn I heard it talking to me yesterday!), he won't stop
bitching about the
cable, and he won't stop making
crumbs and wasting hours and hours of my
life a week. He's still kind of a nice guy to have around the house. Besides, a thousand
XP is better than less than none! Besides, he gets into all kinds of
mishief that makes having him worth it for the stories alone! Like this one time he got completely lost after I had some argument about
religion with this one guy. . .and this other time, I got really angry because I thought I saw him over at this one guy named Jerry's house, and Jerry is a real
jerk. So I stood on the street for a whole damn week screaming, "
XP, come back to me! I miss you!" I thought there was going to be a
nuclear war or something, but ultimately
XP showed back up. He came back.
He always comes back.I hope