As one can see from looking at the sort of
nodes I tend to write, I have a great deal of interest (and passion) for
religion and
mythology, particularly that of
Judaism and
Christianity. I spend a good chunk of my time studying this sort of stuff, writing this sort of stuff, and contemplating on it all. I care a great deal for it. "Why?" I sometimes wonder. The people around me seem to care not a whit. It all strikes them as stodgy, old, stifling. Why do I spend so much time and get some much in return from this sort of thing?
I hate most of the
morality behind
Judaism and
Christianity. So much of the rules seem so good, so pure, so common sense:
Thou Shalt Not Kill.
Honor Thy Father and Mother. But so much of it seems so terrible and ill conceived; so much of it seems so
oppressive and
stifling. Why must man not lie with man? Why should we follow
kashrut?
Why should I have no other gods before Adonai? No rhyme or reason is offered to any of this, and I am too much the
fool to see the answer myself. No, very many of these laws seem meaningless, stifling, or downright destructive.
I hate the
proselytizing nature of Christianity. Yes, I have heard the
good news. Yes, thank you for the
Bible. Yes, I have read most of the
Gospels. No, I don't want to join your
church. Thank you for the
Book of Mormon. I'll take a look at it. Good fucking day, leave me alone! It sometimes makes me tremble with anger that another would so happily forcfilly thrust their religion upon me. It sometimes makes me tremble with anger that, a mere few hundred years ago, I might be killed for refusing. The thought that a mere few hundred years ago, telling someone trying to convert me that I don't want to become
Christian, that I want to remain a
Jew, thank you very much, could get me
tortured and
killed makes me so angry and scared, I shake with rage. The thought that I could be killed for being a Jew if I were in the wrong place at the wrong time
on this very day frightens even more so. The
isolationist attitudes of
Judaism also distress me, albeit far less so: I suppose that indifference is better than propaganda.
So I have some major problems with Judaism and Christianity. In fact, I think of myself as a kind of
agnostic nowadays. So why then do I read so much about them and contemplate so much of them? Why do I try to sometimes go to
synagogue (other than because it makes my mom happy)? Why do I like sitting in and walking around churches?
I hate so much of the morality. I hate so much of the attitudes towards others. But this is what I love about Judaism and Christianity, this is what I love about most
religions, and this is why I hold it so dearly to my breast: the
symbolism, the visionary aspect, the
mythos to it all. I do not believe in
Jesus as the
Christ, but I believe in the theme of Death and the Redeemer. I do not believe in
Azazel, but I believe in the related theme of the
Scapegoat and the
Sin. Such
themes, such symbols, such mythos speaks to
the better nature of man, and it inspires me, at least, to be a greater man. It inspires me to
create. It inspires me to help as best as I may in any way I may the rest of
humanity to become greater, to transcend its limits, to throw off its shackles, and to rise up to the
stars.