Zach Braff is ruining being a man.

Now I don't know anything about the guy other than the three characters I've seen him play and if it wasn't for his role on Arrested Development I'd be doing everything I could to stop him telling the world that men have complicated feeling and need to talk about their problems with another Garden State.

Seriously. I saw Garden State and I like Scrubs, but we don't need another story about Generation X or Yers coming to a quarter life crisis and finding salvation in the girl next door. We need another Girl Next Door to remind us that men like porn and boobs and violence.

And we don't need to know what you learned from your friends and mentors about life at the end of every fucking episode. For god's sake. This is not the impression I want women to have of men and Zach Braff creates a false impression of who men are.

We have to fight this thing before it spreads. Otherwise guys around the world are going to have to start talking about their feelings and family issues just to get laid. So men, don't give in.

Repress.

Bottle up your emotions and healthily express yourself by taking a boxing course or going to the gym or objectifying women.

And women, please god don't find Zach Braff or any of those types attractive. Stick to the norm. Fall for the smooth, strong, silent man, not the bleeding heart pussy who wrote that letter he's too shy to deliver. Please. For the sake of your sons. Otherwise it'll just be a matter of time until we start fighting wars with pithy insults instead of bayonets.

Also if you are Zach Braff, you may not be such a wuss, I'm not accusing you of that, just stop playing one.