Or: An Anal Retentive's Guide to Making a Bed
Few things satisfy a control freak like a bed made so tight you can bounce a quarter off it. In the spirit of such rigid self-expression, I now present to you the product of many years of toil in the hospitality industry...how to make hospital corners.
- Begin with the bed made but not entirely together. That is, you want your fitted sheet on the mattress, and, centered over that, the flat sheet, followed by whatever blankets, comforters, quilts, etc., that you so desire.
- Tuck the sandwich of flat sheet and blankets underneath the foot of the mattress. (Short-sheeting will be covered some other day, class.)
- Now you've got a bed that's neat at the bottom but messy on the sides. Sort of like a late 1980's mullet. But I digress. Start at whichever side you prefer. There'll be a lumpish bit of overhanging cloth. Smooth that out and down along the side of the bed. It will come to a point and then double back on itself. Holding on to the point, bring it first out (perpendicular to the bed) and then back (paralleling the bed once more, only closer to you than before.)
- If you're familiar with origami, you've just performed what I believe is called a mountain fold. At any rate, you've now basically formed a triangle with the overhanging cloth. Tuck the bottom half of the triangle under the mattress, and let the top half fall. Repeat on the other side. That's it. You're done.
If these directions
were too confusing
, just ask your mom
. She'll be impressed
by your initiative
. If you don't have a mom, ask your favorite Martha Stewart wannabe
As a side note
, here's an anal expulsive
's guide to making a bed: Fuck authority
and subvert the dominant paradigm
in a barn
or a bathtub
or a hammock
, or, better yet, by not sleeping at all.