The vast majority of men in the Universe would kill for one of these. Granted, this tends to be that bit of the man that thinks like a hulking, rugby-playing, wife-beating tosser, but I think we've all got a bit of that somewhere deep down.

I, too, once longed for a low-maintenance girlfriend. Imagine the careless freedom of not having to demonstrate your utter infatuation at least once every thirty minutes, spend ridiculous amounts on flowers, train oneself not even to look at other girls in the street even unto the possibility of collision, and spend every minute wondering if you're looking devoted enough! Imagine the delights of only shaving every other day and not having to hide one's porn collection! Ooh, I'm going all blissful just thinking about it.


My current¹ belle is, indeed, a low-maintenance girlfriend, and it turns out not to be the utopia one might expect. Mainly, this is for the sole reason that:

a girl who does not constantly demand displays of affection is acting exactly like a girl who doesn't want any.

If you have even the occasional twinge of insecurity (and for those of you who don't know me, my entire psyche is one single seething mass of emotional hangups) this dichotomy will prey on your mind long into the night. 'Is X incredibly sane and well-balanced or does she not give a fuck? Am I the luckiest man alive or just cheaper than a vibrator?'

...which, by extension, ends up with one becoming a high-maintenance boyfreind, constantly demanding displays of affection etc. etc. It still ends up being cheaper than buying presents all the time, though.

[ 1 ] "current" means current at time of writing. It goes without saying that despite the unmitigated whingeing in this node, I hope she will remain my current girlfriend long into the future.² Okay. You can take your fingers out of your throats now.

Hmmm... e2 is becoming my shrink....

[ 2 ] Well, the future didn't last that long. Oh well, heigh ho.

In the wake of quacky's wu below, I'd like to make it clear that my GF is, in fact, sane and well-balanced, it's me who isn't. This whole wu is supposed to say be careful what you wish for, but I didn't make that quite clear enough.