That which governs my life. Have you ever felt like you're living in a soap opera? I feel like that all the time... Truman Burbank has nothing on me. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I don't float up off the ground is because if gravity was repealed, it would be just too unbelievable for the hypothetical viewers.

I'm not sure if this is a feeling that everyone gets. But when I look around at other people, the kind of things that happen to me just don't seem to happen to them.

My life, to date, has been a series of dramatic scenes. There has been crisis, deadly peril, humour, romance, and sex and drugs and rock and roll. A cast of thousands, a budget of millions, incredible locations, amazing costumes, big explosions and special effects. And it's been one hell of a lot of fun to star in... if a little exhausting at times.

Scratch that last bit. It's been bloody exhausting. Over the course of this movie, I've had blood gushing from so many places I've lost count, been dangling from precipices with no hope of survival, got god-knows-how-many scars and come twenty years nearer to death than I was when it began. And yet, even if the rest of the movie is as dull as Beaches, I can still claim to have lived by my motto Though I may not have lived a virtuous life, at least I can say "I've lived".