I dreamed fading blue greens, I never really fell asleep. Outside it was still bright daylight under the halogen lamp, a little lonely island
of never go to sleep land
. Kind of sickly in its late brightness, the shade of over exposed sour worn by graveyard shift
employees stumbling through the night on coffee and automata motion under huge banks of fluorescents
. Slightly too much grim detail showing, lit unflattering and vicious.
Those sad mis-trimmed bushes and keeling over roses maybe a little like me, listing yet not quite able to collapse. I can never figure out how much of my insomnia
is will and how much is beyond my control, it is probably both.
The muted swish of cars rocketing past on the interstate
fills as background, a sunken into the ground with cracking ivy-crawled retaining walls
never ending road to nowhere in particular but everyplace also. The sort of road that is always there waiting to welcome, even four am in the morning I got my heart set on way down south without telling anyone else (up and gone) (waiting and ready). Ready to serve up the miles as fast as you can pull them, landspeed blurring inbetweens to a streak of never even stopped to see. That one that loved to gobble up miles with a bottomless pit stomach. Take me away, make me at home.
So right now I am just counting as digits march in different colors on the several slightly out of sync clocks of video cassette recorders
, audio recievers
, digital video disc players
, and other electronics in the fuckstacked slipping pile of wires, black painted metal and plastic. My night slowly turns to day among no longer gleaming once worshipped wayside testaments to progress
, where you were
going was never so important as how you got there and yet I manage to keep fucking it up by missing that point time after time.
I watched a world crumble right before me
, it was a half my fault
falling down crashing I am so sorry it was never supposed to work out this way. Yet, each time you learn something
. If you are lucky at least. A lot of times you learn nothing or think you learned a lot, and then the time comes to put those things to play and they just evaporate like little drops in a so darn hot
, about as good as never there in the first place
. This time it worked out alright, waiting patient and curious about what the next days and weeks will deliver. Keeping count while forgetting the score.