user since
Fri Apr 1 2011 at 08:01:45 (7.3 years ago )
last seen
Sun Jun 5 2011 at 11:03:45 (7.1 years ago )
level / experience
0 (Initiate) / 0
mission drive within everything
To absorb as much knowledge as i am worthy of learning at this time.
i listen very well, and being a friend.
The school of my life as I'm living it.
This too shall pass...Just not as fast as I'd like it to.
Send private message to kegsk

I'm here just as an observer. I have been told i can write pretty well but I am NOTHING compared to the likes of this site. But seeing of the people who have told me this...I somehow feel a little better about myself. I know I have so much to learn..And I also know that I have seen so much that normal people would never understand. I live in a inbetween world that on one side is a meth addict and on the other is a compleatly somewhat normal human being that doesnt fall into the stereotypical "Meth Junkie" that is shown to the public. In other words I am a functioning addict. Its a path I myself chose over my real life as a wife and mother of three. One I wish I never would have picked, but for some reason i feel i was ment to go down this path. I gave up my only dream (kids) the reason why i exsisted... or so i thought....for this life i am living now. Was it worth it?   I'm not sure yet....I keep hoping that something... anything.... will trigger the reason why i did this....I am still searching for the reason... the purpose of why im here. it has shown itself breifly...only very small feelings of "yes i made a differance (for the better) in someones life today" But so far nothing as to make me ever want to do this again.

My wish..... not ot be so weak have control over myself and my feelings.....Never had to take care of myself really there was always someone there to take care of me.  Until i was too old to be able to take care of myself in a way i was use to. And now i feel like i am lost... so lost and scared.....and searching for ........