Why do cars always have to have strange names? I was on my way home today during fourth hour to pick up some forgotten homework, and I was behind a Kia Sephia with a lawnmower hanging out of its trunk. On the way to work I saw two men standing in the middle of the intersection of James and US31, car doors wide open and definitely shouting profanities. Neither car seemed to be damaged though, seeing as how both were enormous SUVs. On the way home from work, I was behind another SUV type car truck thing, but the license plate said “JELLY.” Nothing more. Nothing less. Just jelly. Why? I don’t know. This car turned somewhere before Butternut, and I was left alone for a few moments. Of course I sped up to catch the cars I could see in the distance through the darkness. They were hard to catch – I had to reach speeds in excess of 80mph before even gaining slightly. This is hard to do right, since there are stop lights every three feet. But I got the timing down, yo.

When I finally did catch the car in front of me, I saw the reflective strip across the back all too late. It said ‘Sheriff Patrol’ in big black letters. I could just make out the siren light things on the roof. But the d00d was going just as fast as I was, and I wasn’t gonna slow down unless he did. So I sped home behind a cop, going 15 over the speed limit, and he never even noticed. Or at least he didn’t care. That made my day.