Happy Tay Day!
The threshold of adulthood will be officially infringed upon this day. Over the past several weeks, I have devised an exact plan of action that shall take approximately two and a half days to accomplish.
First of all, at the stroke of midnight I shall arrive at a 24/7 gas station and demand my rights. I will order several cartons of cigarettes, a mile of lottery tickets, and one of every porn magazine available. When the attendant asks for some ID, I shall have no shame in presenting him or her with an official 18-year-old identification article.
Next, it’s on to Family Video where I shall freely wander the adult only section and make rude comments loud enough for all to hear. After this, I’m off to Purple East to peruse the “tobacco” paraphernalia section without fear of being caught.
The next event will be to register to vote, enlist in the army, rent a hotel room, buy a lighter, and then I will go to sleep, secure in the fact that I am certified by the United States of America to take care of myself.
The next day, I shall venture out into the world of daylight and see what havoc I can cause to myself and others. I plan on getting a small tattoo on my left wrist, most likely some kanji stuff. It’ll be small enough to cover up when needed, but big enough to know it’s there. Perfect!
Since I already possess the ability to poke holes in myself with needles, I am not going to waste money getting something pierced. After my tattoo is complete, I am off to work to become a licensed cardboard crusher and truck unloader. I will spend the next five hours blissfully pushing the previously forbidden red button to make the cardboard squasher bend to my every whim.
This will most likely be the end of my lengthy celebration. I am open to other suggestions, and if any of you Ho-land Dawgs running around this crazy town have nothing better to do, stop by muh crib to say Happy Tay Day!