I was overtaken by sleep, as usual, as soon as I arrived home after class. While trying to complete my final homework assignment due in an hour, I decided taking a nap would be much more constructive my overall mental health. I do believe I was correct in this decision, considering the homework was not collected and we were released from class a half hour early. More sleep for kaytay, yo.

I am wearing my fat pants today. I love them, but they make me feel incredibly huge. Although I received a very nice compliment today concerning my bottom, I don’t enjoy seeing myself in the mirror. And people shouldn’t be looking at my bum anyways. I am a married woman. Well, not really. I’m just a self-conscious teenage female.

I was thinking about my mind set today after my nap. There are so many depressed people in the United States, and yet we are one of the most luxurious countries in the world. There is absolutely no reason, in theory, for anyone to be dissatisfied with his or her life. Unless over-indulgence contributes to misery, which I’m sure it can in some cases. But still. I have everything I need, and everything I could realistically want. There are minor things I am not satisfied with (read the previous paragraph), but they are extremely irrelevant when other world problems are taken into consideration. Would I rather force myself to be thin in a world of plenty, or have thinness forced upon my body in a world of nothingness?

Sometimes I wonder. Well, I wonder often. All of the time, actually. About lots of stuff, mostly selfishly directed towards my own pursuit of happiness in some direct or slightly more subtle manner. I got my report card today only to find I had a B+ in A.P. Stats. Not horrible, but not wonderful. Being average is worse than death. And yet I do not consider myself particularly overly intelligent. I know I’m smart, but there are millions of smart people. There are millions of dumb people as well. It’s like when I used to be in middle school – I was head and shoulders taller than anyone else in my grade, or any grade schooled in the building for that matter. I hated it. Now I am only an inch or two above most people, and I hate that too.

My brother had some friends over today. They were all parked crookedly in the driveway, forcing me to leave my car in the road. Poor Saturn. I walked into the house, and simultaneously into a cloud of stench so strong I noticed it even with a slightly stuffed nose. Marijuana in my house. I don’t think so. Adam and several friends were breaking up an ounce on the counter in the kitchen, filling the entire upstairs with the distinctive scent of weed. Wonderful.

I found out a friend of mine is dating a twenty seven year old. She’s barely seventeen. It’s a classic case; completely depressed, sad gothic chick known for her self-injuring and anorexic virtues strives to find belonging in a lonely man seeking young girls for some twisted reason. Been there, done that. Only time will heal the wounds she’s inflicting on her wrists and her heart. I only wish I could talk some sense into her.