if you dare me to live in a city like a cage, I will do it. I can let myself out. I slipped me the key in a kiss. if you dare me to make my own time, I will do it. I used to be afraid to live without a schedule but now I make it up fresh every day and I don't worry any more about it slipping away. I have grabbed it too firmly to let it slip, I have grabbed this city because it keeps me awake to love it. city of PAY ATTENTION.

Every morning I open my eyes to it. Every morning there is new light in my room, it says Get up come on don't forget. it says There is a lot left outside. It says We are waiting get UP.   I think Why was I asleep? and get up running.


I am aware of all parts of my body. All parts. My hands touch each other a lot. I feel my face feel my hair. slide, soft. shh this is a quiet moment, it holds still for me, it is rare. I used to be unaware of textures but they have come back.


So many different ones because I can't hold still. What I am best at is quitting. Usually there are no hard feelings and if there are, I was leaving anyway. Jobs for money are ridiculous, I do them almost as a joke. They have their purpose, they keep me here. I appreciate it. But really I am grabbing my own time in the park or along razor wired walls on early streets. they smell different at dawn, I am there to smell them. in a car in a tunnel rocking side to side, I am at work and you thought I was just laughing at you, thought I was just trying to find something of interest in the newspaper, thought I was deep in a book deep in conversation you thought I was occupied. I was.


It is pieces I can put together now, later, any time I need them. That which I need. I cannot match a song title to a mood but I can think, this grim subway needs a monster bass today. It changes me to where I want to be. It's easy. Headphones keep in my loud sound and I am smug, no one else on this car gets my soundtrack, all for my ears. then of course I am jealous of whatever they are listening to, even if it just subway noise, which I remember is the best bass there is, low, internal, it comes ceaseless as an ocean with hiss and rush and footsteps, and I love it, and the headphones come off and the eyes go shut and I sway between silver poles.


I invite you. Please come.