"damn.. it's 6am" I mumble to myself.. i look at my moniter.. and
the channel is pretty much idle..
i hop in the shower
.. while the hot
water courses over my body.. i close my eyes.. and think about the past
year.. I have always been good with computers
and electronics.. always a
bit of a tomboy
.. but i never ever pictured this.. this is the life some
think is fictional
.. "tell me about your cyber life.. your cyber world..
your cyber friends.."
askes a guy at a friend's party.. i was drunk.. he
wouldn't shut up.. "why would you rather talk to people over the computer
than go be a NORMAL person.." SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
.. his words won't
stop.. I slug
him and leave..
maybe im not normal.. maybe im a freak
.. from the outside i look
like a normal 18 year old college student.. ok figure.. bright eyes..
pale skin.. long dark hair.. far from a freak.. quirky at the most..
looking like a gap poster child
with a cartoon backpack.. but the
normality ends on the exterior.. the thoughts that go through my head..
of worlds colliding.. problems that most find frustrating.. solutions
come to me with ease.. which alienates me to the point of silence.. maybe
i am a freak.. because i cant stand the intellect of my generation.. i
find most people petty, two-faced, confused, and stupid with no will to
learn.. where the shape of the body.. and the size of the breast.. the
legnth of the hair.. and trendiness of the clothes mean more than the
expansion of the mind.. so i chose my friends carefully.. i discared the
two-faced party crowd for a few close friends.. who are smart and
wonderful.. yet still dont understand what is going through my mind..
i step out of the shower.. and get ready to start my day.. as i
put on my make-up
i think over my night.. after i left the party i logged
on.. checked my email
.. and hopped on irc
.. i was happy.. even though
alot acted dumb or silly.. i felt at home.. i was conversing with people
all over the country.. the skinny, the beautiful, the obese.. people from
other countries.. people who were just like me.. or had nothing in common
with me except my quest for knowledge and understanding of things..
people who i have met.. people who i will meet.. people who i never havemet, or will meet.. and i am happy.. well not happy.. but content..
comfortable.. at peace mentally.. social graces
are different.. i dont
have to make nice because of awkward situations when i really loathe
someone.. i dont have to sit and grin and nod when i am really bored to
death with someone's conversation..
i am an actress
.. a scholar
.. a girl
.. a woman
.. a philosopher
a jester.. and more.. just like everyone else is.. i have my shield.. my
act, or front or whatever you want to call it.. my self-defense
mechinisam.. I use it most when i am out.. "oh you don't like me.. you
find flaw with my personality.." well it wont hurt me.. thats not the real
me you loathe.. its just an act.. its just an act
Victoria Palmer, January 1997