There has to be a nice place between living in isolation.. out of sadness/fear and other consuming things.. with the mind set of "If I am alone, no one can hurt me.. if they think they really know me.. they are wrong because all I show is a mask" (which everyone can see through anyway).. and "I trust everyone .. that is til they hurt me.. but even then they didn't do it on purpose and might change" .. I tend to do both at once.. I'm talented.. "I am extreme opposites".. or something unique and quirky.. fuck that.. i just want to help others.. im stupidly and naively idealistic.. with a dash of realism.. i want to leave myself open for those who may need someone.. a friend.. or something.. but i just keep getting burned..

I don't like the world we live in.. it has its beautiful moments.. but usually its a cruel place.. where people need to become calloused to survive.. i refuse to become calloused.. so i guess part of my pain is self-inflicted.. if i'm going to experience the world.. im going to do it 100% even if it kills me.. no protective hardness.. heh.. even if it kills me.. the way things are going.. i assume one of the many knives in my back will finally kill me dead.