This is a letter from Juliet's Hope Chest. The letter is in the original format, typos and all. The only things that have been changed, are to protect the identify of the other person.
Did you ever say something you regret? I did.
From juliet@escape.com Sat Nov 6 17:32:44 1999
Date: Sat, 6 Nov 1999 16:34:28 -0500 (EST)
From: Victoria L. Palmer
To: NeXT.boy@glitterglam.org
Subject: piece of mind
Hi.. I need to tell you some things.. and I don't know if it is apropos
or not.. but I think that airing them might be benificial and might
explain some stuff..
The first and foremost thing ..
I think you are amazing.. as a friend.. I
don't know if you realize how much just being there means to me.. I had a
really rough year.. and for a while.. It seemed like the worst parts were
never going to end.. then Jeff.. the one stability (his friendship, not
our pseudo-relationship) in my life, the person who would ask "how's your
day", and really would want to know.. was gone.. Leaving me other things
to concentrate on... my failing health.. and the seemingly innocent
looking, yet strangling quicksand that is
florida.. But I refused to let
it show.. I am really good at putting on the happy face for the people I
care about..
When Jeff 180'ed on me.. it shook my
faith in people a lot.. I try to be
trusting without being naive.. Jeff was someone I bared my soul to... for
the first time I wasn't conforming to the role that was being thrust upon
me.. I was there.. with no armor or defense.. and he smashed me down.. I
am so comfortable talking to you.. and I respect and value your opinion,
but I will admit.. when I was telling you about some of
the not-so-happy moments in my life.. that night we talked for like
12732131 hours.. I was frightened when I got off the phone.. I did what I
said I wasn't going to do.. Which was let anyone see me that
vulnerable,
at least not for a very very long time.. I broke my own rule.. I trust you
with all there is.. but it was me I didn't trust.. but That is when I
realized that your friendship was something that I valuled so highly..
I kinda forget what the point was to this whole letter.. or if there was
one.. I probably sound psychotic.. and maybe this letter will do more good
un-sent.. but part of me feels I should send it.. I have what some
consider a problem of speaking about some things which others assume are
obvious.. but I hate to assume things.. so i figure others do too.. it's
better to know for sure right? Maybe some things are better left unsaid..
but I felt it was importent for me to voice that I do think you are an
amazing, remarkable person, who has my deepest respect.
I'm a smart girl, well I'm not stupid.. and I know I am capable in a lot
of ways.. but in some ways I feel like a little child still.. I think it
is because I am easily wounded when it comes to things that are importent
to me.. it causes me to revert to child-like manners of dealing with
things.. like writing letters like this.. heh.. I also feel obligated to
justify all my actions and emotions to the people whose opinion I care
about.. John says that is gonna kill me.. because I feel obligated
constantly..
Please don't think im psycho.. heh.. neurotic is ok, but im Korean,
adopted, and female.. so cut me some slack.. =)
-
adieu
'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'`
Victoria Palmer * juliet@escape.com * http://www.escape.com/~juliet
"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because
we are so dangerously near to wanting nothing.." - Sylvia Plath