"Bad girl, drunk by six
Kissing some kind stranger's lips
Smoked too many cigarettes today
I'm not happy when I act this way"

Madonna, "Bad Girl"

Lately I've been spending at least a few nights a week having a drink or three.. at my local neighborhood bar! Heh.. I don't know what's worse.. being motivated to see a boy.. or that being the only excuse I find acceptable for the behavior..

Going downtown lately has caused me to run into some people I dig, and don't dig so much.. As I was being forced to shoot pool the other night I wound up running into my high school bully.. basically the guy who made high school sexual harassment more than just an article in Seventeen magazine.. back then I was too scared to even be noticed for the "wrong reasons" .. I was loud only when I found it appropriate.. I kind of forgot about this person and their daily torture.. I forgot how I felt back then..

Not only did I run into this person.. I didn't even recognize them at first.. they approached me.. and reminded me who they were.. "Yeah I sat in front of you in health class!" .. uhh.. is he retarded.. all he had to add in that sentence was "yeah, I was the guy who used to try to grab your breasts, and put my hand up your skirt during those stupid health class film strips.. " All I could do was smile.. and pretend his face wasn't one I recognized.. "Oh.. really how weird!" .. I guess that was all about power.. and my refusal to let him have any in that moment..

The same night someone pulled aDr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde on me.. maybe I do read too much into things.. I've realized my "niche" is full of people who think too much.. I never realized this.. I figured everyone was as strategical/analyzing as us.. I don't think most people take things so seriously.. "it makes me want to laugh.. makes me want to cry.. makes me wanna tear the stars from the sky" heh..

So I wonder if I have the guts to call or ask either one of my confusing situations out.. I am so 1950's..

Miss Cleo sent me email.. hahaha maybe she would know what to do!@#!@