This is a letter from Juliet's Hope Chest. The letter is in the original format, typos and all. The only things that have been changed, are to protect the identify of the other person.
This was a love letter written to my boyfriend, who at the time lived 3,000 miles away. We decided to try to defy the odds against us, and try for something beyond friendship.
From firstname.lastname@example.org Sun Jul 25 23:15:28 1999
Date: Sun, 25 Jul 1999 20:35:44 -0400 (EDT)
From: Victoria L. Palmer
Subject: and the sky was made of amethysts
The following is babbling turned into a letter .. it bounces around.. in
tenses and from me talking to you.. and to myself..
- Do me a favor and appease my aching eyes
Won't you please materialize
Play another of your tricks with my sight
Be here in the flesh tonight
- Juliana Hatfield
I have seen/done a lot.. but at the same time.. have done nothing.. the
person with all the experience.. doesn't exist anymore.. kinda like a
caterpillar becoming a butterfly... shedding the outer protection to
become a butterfly.. my god.. im corny.. but it's true.. totally fragile..
yet plain for the world to see..
I have this weird tendancy to look at the past.. as a place to catch my
but at the same time.. i dont judge people on the actiosn of
other.. im not sure if that is wise.. or foolish.. i think its a lil bit
of both.. i would much rather be true to myself and feel pain than just
some have put me in a glass case
.. not on a pedstal.. above them.. but
someplace where they could look at me.. study me.. yet not hurt me.. or
hurt themselves with me.. no actually interaction.. they just wanted to
"collect" what they saw..
others have put me on the pedstal.. but kept smashing me.. knocking me
down.. to glue me back together .. so they could break me again..
is more experienced in the relationship dept than he
thinks... i mean.. a "girl/boyfriend" is someone who is like yer friend
with benifits.. like.. a best friend.. nurturer.. someone to nurture..
someone who you respect.. someone whose opinion matters.. its the all
kinda like my oreo cookie analogy
i have never felt truly loved for who i was.. nothing more than a living
.. a security blanket for some.. or .. someone to play house with to
liven up their apartment.. but the fantasy was always over before i
caught on that it wasn't for keeps.. the naive dreamer... someone to
mold.. a blank canvas.. i was all of these things.. but none of them..
they dug way deeper than most.. i dunno..
john told me that after all these years of watching me interact with
people..strangers .. to close friends.. he thinks that people well.. most
dont really see me.. they project what they want.. i can play any role..
but im tired of playing.. this isn't my 7th period drama class.. im tired
of mistaking someone's pygmallion-like dream for a chance for happiness..
John could be wrong.. part of me is scared he is right.. the other half
is scared he is wrong..
but fuck it.. their loss.. i thought my past relationships would make me
more prepared dating etc.. the exact opposite
ive never felt this way.. its odd.. inspiring.. scary.. wonderful.. its
undescribable.. in the past.. right now id be happy.. yet counting my
faults.. and trying to times that by the number of girls he'd flirt with
while we were out together.. to come up with how long it would be til he
either cheats on me.. or worse.. wtf.. how fucking insane is that.. i
remember saying about 11 months ago "i do not wanna meet someone
special.. someone who touches me so deep it makes me shiver.. someone who
i feel i have a connection and bond with.."
.. i wasn't ready.. my
biggest fear was i would find "him" and be unprepared.. and i would miss
experiencing this amazing person.. i almost did.. and when i thought i
had lost you.. i cried.. and i realized i needed to do some real
soul-searching.. because the astoundingly SMASHING things usually only
come once in a lifetime.. and twice.. well one can wish..
he is someone i consider to be human.. with faults.. i love the faults..
they come with the good...
this is what happens when i sit typing whatever comes to mind for 5
minutes.. but a lot of that is something.. well.. i want you to know.. i
'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'` '*-,.__.,-*'`
Victoria Palmer * email@example.com * http://www.escape.com/~juliet
"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because
we are so dangerously near to wanting nothing.." - Sylvia Plath