Son of a gun, POOPFLAKES!

I got the same treat dannye got, but was considerably more charmed by the gesture. You know you're in for a taste sensation when cereal has joggers on the box.

Uncle Sam Flakes do indeed proclaim their poop-enhancing qualities right on the front of the box. It's all in the FLAX, which provides the eater (me) with 2000 mg of omega-3 fatty acids per serving. I don't know how many mgs I actually need, but this sounds impressive.

Crunchiness: Excellent. "Toasted to a crackly crunch."

Taste: Odd. Kind of . . . raw, unprocessed, like something you might yank out of a field and chew on. "Whole grain wheat flakes" sounds innocuous enough, but, simply put, these are not delicious. However I will of course be consuming said box of cereal in its entirety, out of gratitude for the gift. Plus I want to see how much more it makes me poop.

Odor: The fact that I even have to bring this up should tell you it is not pleasing.

Flax-ness: Negligible. The flax seeds "Uncle Sam" is rumored to contain have not revealed themselves, even after rooting around halfway down the bag. This probably means the bottom fourth is pure flax seeds. Will be sure to report on bowel status that day.

Cheers and thank you to the hooligans who sent this. It's sweet that you care, even if anonymously and from afar. Of course, admit your identity and I will send cookies beyond your tamest dreams. Flax-free on request.