Dudes, I need advice, my heart is breaking here.

In the parking lot there is a temporary dumpster. It’s going to be gone in a week or so. This week there are three cats living under it.

Two of them are tiny kittens. They look just barely old enough to be away from their mother. The third is not their mother, it is a horrible fat tom who won’t let the little ones eat.

I don’t think this tom is their father either - he’s been hanging around the parking lot for a year or so, and these kittens have only recently showed up, fully formed. The colors don’t make sense at all either - one kitten is snow white, one is yellow, and the tom is gray striped (I know odd things can happen with coloration but I don’t buy it in this case).

I think some asshole ditched these kittens and they took up with the tom in order to eat the scraps of the scraps he finds in the dumpster. I think they need to come inside.

The only problem is how to separate them from the tom. They’re clearly scared of him - I took food out a couple of times, and the tom won’t let them get near it. They cringe back from him. They’re also wary of me, but they’ve let me get pretty close. The problem is, I can only approach the kittens, not the tom. The tom is wild but the kittens don't appear to be. When I get near the group of all three, the tom bolts and the kittens freak out. But the kittens hang close to the tom because that's where the food is.

So I am looking for advice on 1. how to separate the tom from the kittens and 2. how to grab the kittens after that. I know enough to wear work gloves, and I know the trick of using two plates of food, but the tom eats so fast that he’s able to bolt one down, then run over to the second before the kittens have gotten bold enough to investigate. Do I need like sixteen plates of food or what? Because I will do it.

My brother has also instructed me in how to build a cartoon-style box trap, seriously. I will probably give this a try even though it’s a long shot and my neighbors are going to be watching my ridiculous ass play wile e coyote in the parking lot.

Halspal, patron saint of sad doggies, has advised me to call Animal Control. That’s not a bad idea and I will probably do so if this isn’t taken care of soon. But right now it’s after 5 pm and I know how this county works. And it’s sleeting.

I know animals have instincts but they're just so little and they have no mother and this apartment isn't well-suited to cats but I will figure that out after I get them inside, which, right now, is all I want in the world.

If anybody has any ideas on how to nab these guys, please, please msg.


Addendum: I've had cats all my life and most of them started out as strays. I know how to take care of a cat once it's inside. I know that cats who've been living outside need certain special treatment and prompt vet attention. I really appreciate that so many people want to make sure these kittens are well taken care of, and I know it's well-intentioned, but uh I don't need any more advice on things like how to put litter in a box.


Update: better than blankets were the ratty but warm winter clothes a moving-out neighbor left by the trash. I stuffed some of them under the dumpster, so they'll at least be warm ("not frozen") and fed tonight. Tomorrow I'll call around, see if I can borrow a trap.


the good ideas so far:

squeezie: multiple plates of food and possibly gettings a couple of other people to help you. If there is one person per cat maybe you can scare off the tom for long enough to get the others to grab a kitten each.

Lometa: Use some sort of food that sticks to the plate and will take a while for the tom to eat. Like peanut butter another food would be oatmeal. Mix it with tuna or something real yummy then bake it till it's good and dried on the plate. One that you don't care about and want to throw away. Have you considered calling the Humane Society or your vet?

Chras4: try stuffing a couple of old blankets that smell like you under different ends of the dumpster. tom may take one, but the kittens will get in the other ...they'll be somewhat warm tonight....and hopefully will recognize your scent tomorrow and may come to you

Transitional Man: they make cat traps, and shelters will loan them. Bait it with food. get a cage to keep the kitten til you can get it home. Now they're feral so here's what you have to do next, 'cos I've done it. find a deep closet, or aftificially create one a safe place for them to find. Insert a litter box, food and water between you and them. best in a room whose door you can keep shut. Let them know you won't chase them once they are there. food and water, change the litter box and wait until they get enough confidence to come out. I chose my bedroom. I worked at my desk there, I slept there. They were sleeping with me before I could pick them up. One tamed, slowly give them room.

Chiisuta: ...look into what your local animal control with do with them. Most city shelters are kill shelters and there may be a no-kill shelter in your area. If there is, call them first because they might be willing to trap all of the cats and refurbish them for pet purposes. If they won't, but will accept the cats, or at least the kittens, put out a crapload of plates of food and catch em. Wear some oven mitts and a thick jacket so you can grab em and not worry about claws and teeth.

golFUR: Nothing catches cats like dogs eh? Don't sic a dog on them, just plain ole dogged pursuit. The tom can probably outrun and outhide you, I doubt the kittens can. Failing that, lure the tom and see if the kittens follow.

icicle: hey lady, do your neighbors have tough-but-kitten-friendly pets by any chance? if it was my house i'd send my simon (fixed male, 20 pounds of total muscle and loves kittens) after that fucking tom. also, dogs and cats who have been mommies in the past tend to have the correct instincts about who to chase off and who to bring to safety. ...feral cat coalition of oregon: 503-797-2606. they trap release and neuter strays in portland. but it is 3:30 on the west coast so maybe someone would be around to talk you through it. also their website feralcats.com has some links to national feral cat-oriented groups... maybe they can point you to something local

ToasterLeavings: food that'll take the tom a while to eat, like something partially wrappe up, then throw tidbits to the kittens and lure them away a bit. if you have to throw a blanket over them - they'll forget they were scared in a couple of minutes.

allseeingeye: ...suck it up and stress the kitties a bit by catching them. You need a few people (like 1 per cat) and a box or a cage for the tom. Gloves and long sleeves. If you bait them with food, hang around close and nab them while they (or the tom) is eating. I wouldn't get a dog involved, contrary to what people say. The tom, in his way, is trying to help them, but he is surely feral, and instinct takes over. If anything, he is teaching the kittens how to be wild, and you will want to get to them before too long. Sadly, I would leave the tom to his dumpster unless animal control is no kill, because there is little hope of taming him. Yup, you deffo need more able bodies. I could catch a hundred dogs in the time it used to catch a kitten, but is isn't impossible... If you try, and manage to nab the tom but not both kittens, you would be better off to let the tom loose again, to stay with the other kitten.