Smiles for two (poetry)
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Sun Nov 19 2017 at 20:28:48
This is a game, perhaps you've played
it before. Naturally there are variations,
this is how I was taught. It isn't strictly
necessary that your opponent be tall,
; but I have standards.
Maybe you will be able to look past
physical beauty to the pain beneath. At
any rate we were friends for a while,
at one point he thought I wanted to
be more than friends, that was untrue.
I ignored him for a while and then I felt
badly about that. I spoke to a mutual
friend, apologized, I'm not sure what
changed, or who. Maybe it was me. All of
a sudden I felt differently about this person.
I thought that things were going well and
was shocked to discover we were not only
on different pages, we weren't even in the
same library. This was almost two months
ago and we haven't spoken since.
I've been through a lot of heartbreak in
life, this was bad. I'm still stunned that
nobody asked me what was going on
because I felt like I was melting down
all over the place on a routine basis.
I couldn't eat for almost two weeks,
a good night's sleep
was out of the
question, and I won't even try and
describe the roller coaster moods
and emotions that terrified me.
I lost enough weight that I needed
some new clothes. Of course I was
worried that people would think
there was something else behind it,
I needn't have worried.
new favorite color, it matched the
warmth of my soul and the heat of
my heart. There was a fleeting moment
when I felt like giving up and giving in,
then I thought,
I'm better than this
I got my nails done, and my hair cut.
He went home early one day after he
told a friend of mine he was sad. It
was something or other about a girl
she thought, someone was playing
games with him, and for a vicious
second or two I was pleased that
the gander was getting the same
sauce that had scorched the goose.
Ultimately we were both
It was easy to stay in my lane
until the day he cut in front of
me and the women in my group.
I made a point of putting more
distance between us hoping he
would get the hint. One day I
deliberately walked along the
between us. I
was in no hurry so I took my time,
looked directly at him, and smiled.
It was a relief of sorts when he
gave me a half smile back. It's
surprisingly hard to refrain from
smiling when someone catches
you off guard. He avoided me
the rest of the day, that hurt my
pride. The other day I was working
late, I rounded the corner, saw
him unexpectedly, stopped abruptly,
but chose to keep moving forward.
I think he knew that I had chosen
that particular route
my heart sank, but I kept walking,
wishing I was anywhere else but
in that narrow aisle. He was in the
midst of a group of people, good I
thought to myself, then he'll ignore
me. Instead of continuing the cold
war he gave me a very small shy
smile that I returned
The score is even now. I got a
smile out of him and he received
one from me. I don't begrudge him
that and I'm glad he doesn't look
like he rolled out of bed and came
straight to work although I wouldn't
blame him if he's as depressed as
I believe he may be. I'll keep my distance
he'll keep his, we'll go along as we have
until one of us capitulates, and
I like it!
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March 18, 2018
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