A lot has changed since I decided to apply for a different job. Probably one of the best things I've done for myself recently was to stop by the chair massage people at the mall. I was a frequent patron when I worked at the mall. The money seemed worth it to me. There were times when I didn't get the relief I had anticipated, or expected, but now I wonder if it was because I was spending too little on myself. Self love and care are easy concepts to understand, real life application is more difficult than I had predicted. After church and my mall expedition, I didn't know what to do. I started heading home, turned left, and went to look at cars. On the corner I saw a vehicle I really wanted. I probably don't need an advanced understanding of math to calculate that a car that costs more than double what I will earn this year is out of my price range. This made me sad and upset. I feel as if I have worked hard and earned a car like that. But that's not how it works unfortunately. 

I kept driving. I talked to a friend who told me that life isn't fair, and we just have to accept that. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but true nonetheless. I'm almost done with my second Brian Tracy book, and it has been a monster education. Not only does he tell you what you need to be doing, he provides action steps you can start taking to accomplish whatever is on your list of goals that you would like to achieve. Spoiler alert: almost everything revolves around self discipline. I know you're just as shocked as I was. It turns out that there really aren't any major life hacks, or short cuts, the only way to get the body, the finances, the family life, or whatever else I want is to put in the work. Disappointing to a certain extent, but also an attitude shift that I needed. Whatever will be is up to me. So I've done a couple of the things he suggested starting with the old pay yourself first money management tool. In the past I focused on paying down debt. I was great at it. I was probably an expert at this which might explain why my credit scores are so high.

But what I forewent to get that was the idea of savings and setting aside some portion of my income to accumulate. That bugs me. Decades ago my (rich) uncle told me that if I set aside X percentage of my income, I would never have to worry about money. I listened to his advice for a very short period of time, and then quit. What I didn't understand then, that I do now, is that sometimes you have to scale things in life. It was not realistic to be setting aside as much money as I did. I'm glad I did it then because it has helped me tremendously today, but it caused cash flow issues back then, and that is a concept I understand in theory, yet have trouble applying in my day to day life. In my head I am living a different life than the one my financial statements reveal about me. This is a problem, but fortunately, I have a solution. I started with a trick I've tried in the past. Skimming off the top of whatever is in my checking account and putting it into my savings account. So if I have $124.00 in my checking account, I siphon off the $24, and leave $100.

Slow and steady wins the race. I can't get a loan on my own just yet. I'm toying with the idea of working two jobs, but which two? I would like to quit the job I have as many of the people are toxic, and I am very unhappy there. However, it is a reliable and stable source of income for me. I haven't ordered any of the materials I would need to be able to sit for licensure tests, nor have I paid anything to take any of the classes I would need. I could do this, and I'm balking, why? Is it because it feels like too much? There is never a good time to do anything which means there isn't a bad time either, I'm procrastinating, and I'm angry at myself for that. This past weekend was not too fun. I woke up in the middle of the night on Friday not feeling well. Saturday I laid around not doing too much. Today was breakfast, church, chair massage, driving around aimlessly to let my mind decompress, and now I am at the library. I need to be doing more of these things that will help me get where I want. So it's just a matter of doing it without complaining. I can do this. I will be so happy tomorrow because I took action today. Looking forward to that for sure.